I'm Sorry.

Well It's Valentine's Day, and once again I find myself alone. All day I've been thinking about why I'm single, even though I've had the chance to be in more than one relationship. I think about the person that I like, whom I mentioned in my blog yesterday, the one that I've liked for nearly 8 years. We'll call him "Tatertot." Eight Long Years.. I think he's part of the reason why I never get into a relationship. I'm too caught up in him to wanna try a relationship with anyone else. So then I think about all the people I've just kinda left hanging, those who I decided I didn't wanna give any effort towards a relationship with. The song "Better as a Memory" by Kenny Chesney comes to my mind..

"I see you leaning, you're bound to fall,
  I don't wanna be that mistake.
  I'm just a dreamer, nothing more.
  You should know it before it gets too late."

Boy can I relate to this song. I wish it was that easy, to just say that and walk away. There's always questions why, they don't understand. I think the only people who truly understand that are the people who can honestly relate. I've come to realize that I'm too afraid of getting my heart broke so I won't let anyone in. That's the other reason I'm single. If I start to feel myself getting to like someone, I push them away. I find things I don't like in them; I look for the bad, rather than the good in guys. It makes me feel like a horrible person.
There's a handful of people I can name that I've done this to. So I want to apologize. If I'm not willing to let you in, I'm just not worth it. Actually, I just wrote a new song that says, "My heart's not meant to stay in the same place, and I can promise you, It's not even worth the chase.."
So to you, I'm sorry.

There is one person in particular I really want to apologize to..
I realize that your feelings towards me are the same I have for Tatertot. I would've done anything to be with Tatertot, still would honestly, and I poured my heart out to him, just like you. I know how it feels to be in your shoes, to be the only one in love, to be willing to do anything for them and they wouldn't do the same for you. Just like "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. It sucks, I know. Trust me. That's why I feel so bad about this. So to you, you know who you are, I am truly sorry.

I wonder if I'll ever get over this Tatertot guy. I was actually doing pretty good for a little while, but I didn't last. I would like to move on with my life. I would like to let someone else in. I honestly believe that the only way I'll get over him, is for him to break my heart and prove to me he's a complete DOUCHE-BAG and that he's not worth my time and all these wasted years and tears. I'll have to admit though, I did get a lot of good songs out of my crush with Tater Tot. That's one good thing about love and heartache, they make damn good songs.
Sometimes I wonder if that's also a reason that I am the way I am. I'm a songwriter, we look for inspiration in true-life experiences. Heartbreak, sadness, loneliness...they make better songs. I wonder if I really do have a gypsy soul.. I don't think I'm meant to stay in one place for too long. I really wish I could share the lyrics of my new song, but I don't have a copyright on it. Just reading the lyrics would make you understand how I am.
See, as I'm typing this, I have a guy asking me if I wanna hang out this weekend, but I'm resisting. I'm trying to change that, I would really like to at least..

It's getting late and I'm getting tired and might start to not make sense lol. So I will leave you with this..
I hope I find love one day, I hope everyone does, no one deserves to be lonely forever. I know God has a plan for me and I'm excited to see what it is! So I'm just gonna go with the flow and see what is in store for me! Thanks for reading!

So Until Next Time..
Don't Forget To Smile :)